My husband Ben and I met when we were kids and we finally got together when we were in the right place, at the right time. (Which happened to be a beach party for my 22nd birthday, on the Gower, in May 2010) We got married in 2014 and spent many a year travelling and enjoying ourselves as a couple, or with our 2 wolf dogs.
One day we decided we were tired of sleeping and doing whatever we wanted in a tidy house and we should add some babies to our little family unit.
Rose was born in January 2019 and when she was 2.5 years old, Mae was born in July 2021. It wasn’t until Mae was a few months old that a friend made me answer some questions to check if I had Post Natal Depression (PND). It turned out that I was anxious, depressed and had had undiagnosed prenatal anxiety throughout most of Mae’s pregnancy. The diagnosis explained a lot. I had some counselling and I’m doing much better now. (There’ll be a separate blog on this).
We lived cosily in our little family unit until March 2022 when we finally started the work for our house extension.
Our house became uninhabitable in late August 2022 and as I write this in January 2023 we’re still living with my parents. The work is taking far longer than expected, thanks to a cowboy builder, the Great British weather, and going over budget before we have even got the roof on.
Our oldest wolf dog, Nashoba, sadly died of old age in September 2022. Our girl, Tala, unfortunately had to be re-homed as we have nowhere safe to keep her at my parents house, and she couldn’t stay at home in our kennel by herself.
Ben works away from home a lot and I solo parent our 2 little girls the majority of the time. Right now, in this season of my life, I am mostly “just” a mum. (Are you ever “just” a mum? See also: entertainer, nurse, chef, maid, taxi, etc, etc, etc) I very occasionally get out to drink some wine with my friends and if I try really hard to find some time I cram in some exercise. Pre-babies I used to dabble in sprint-distance triathlon and loved yoga and heavy-weight lifting. Oh, and sleep!
As I’m just getting back into moving my body after Mae’s birth, I’ve been doing some Pilates, and I did sign up with Ben’s triathlon coach for a couple of months but then I went a whole month without being able to squeeze in even a 20-minute turbo trainer session, (mostly due to a lack of childcare and/or unpredictable naps from Mae) so I’ve put the lid on that for awhile. I have however booked myself in for a sprint distance triathlon, in June 2023 so hopefully in Spring I’ll be able to find some time to start training again.
Our eldest, Rose, is in part-time school and our youngest, Mae, is attached to me pretty much 24/7. Pre-Covid, Rose and I had a huge group of friends and we took part/tried every activity going. Second time round things have been very different, with 2 children in tow I’ve found it more difficult to find activities that we will all enjoy and more often than not, Mae has had to slot in with Rose’s friends/their siblings of the same age and activities.
I have found that establishing some sort of a routine, keeping activities in mind and ensuring I’m organised is key to keeping my sanity whilst Ben is away.
As Ben’s work timetable varies so often, it’s tricky to find a balance of “strict routine” Vs “Daddy’s home! Let’s stay up late, live off junk food and have no rules!!” which sounds great, but then when he leaves again I’m left with 2 hyped up little monkeys, who demand sweets and crisps for 3 meals a day. (Not really, but you get the idea!)
I use an app called Cozi for keeping everyone’s schedules in one place. I’m the type of person who enjoys planning and being organised, so it is a very helpful little tool.
Rose goes to daycare 2 afternoons per week, and I work 1 day, which leaves me with 2 afternoons free with the girls which I need to fill with an engaging activity of some sort, in the hope of burning off some mental and/or physical energy to get us all to bedtime.
I’ve been looking at what free activities are available close to me and found that after parks, there are also free sessions in our local libraries and museums. I’ll be keeping an eye out for any other things to do in the coming months. There’s only so many times you can go to soft play and I’m determined to make more use of freebies this year.
Every evening, unless bedtime went on for hours and I’m exhausted, I try to set out our clothes for the next day and pack an essentials bag for each of the girls. Knowing that I can throw on my clothes and grab the bag(s) as I’m running out of the door makes my morning go much more smoothly. The mornings are chaotic enough without having to consider if I’ve packed enough nappies and spare clothes for the day.
In the coming months, I’m going to be sharing what activities the girls and I get up to, and my reality of the stress and organisation behind the solo parenting part of my life. I hope you’ll come along with us for the journey 👋🏼