September: So for awhile now, since I night weaned, we have been having just one breast feed per day. Just at bedtime. This has been for mostly selfish purposes. Husband works away – I have 2 small children who need convincing to lay down and go to sleep. Easiest option for me was to keep the bedtime feed as it knocks Child 2 out in 15 minutes flat.
But. Big but. Lately, I have been having aversions to breastfeeding (think ‘wanting to rip my own skin off’ -type thoughts, which immediately disappear as soon as the feed ends-not a nice way to feel) so I made the decision to drop that last feed.
I’ve spoken to my husband and I am resolved to be done with breastfeeding by the New Year. It is now September, so just over 4 months should be plenty to be able to gently introduce Child 2 to falling asleep using different comfort techniques.
A few weeks ago, I started setting a timer for 15 minutes and after this time, would gently tell her we’re done with milk now whilst unlatching her. There was 99% success rate with this – mostly because she was nearly asleep or sleeping.
Then after a week or so of this I decided to change things up a bit and start giving her more advance warning of the end of the feed. So, set a timer for 10 minutes, then told her there’s 5 minutes left and then we will be done with milk and we can have a cuddle to go to sleep. Then 3 minutes later, repeated the same thing – 2 minutes left, done with milk, cuddle to sleep.
This also came with little-to-no resistance, which then brings me nicely to tonight – I decided to change the timer to 10 minutes, with the same warnings of the end at 5 and 2 again, offering cuddles afterwards.
Ok so this was not received very well. Firstly she protested. Then turned on the main light (ouch my retinas) then stroppily told me she was going in her own room, which she likes to do when angry with me I let her go and waited until she called me and then went in. Asked her if she was tired and ready for a cuddle and she said no. So I sat down with her, we had a chat with some of her soft toys, and I read her a book and then we tucked teddies in using a little blanket and she leaned on me and said I’m ready for bed now mama. Carry me! So I carried her in, laid her on her/my pillow and gave her a cuddle/patted her back/held her hand and stroked the back of it gently. She fell asleep in 10 minutes! Hurrah!
Onto Night Two. Made a mistake. I only allowed 5 minutes. She was not happy.
It was clearly not long enough. I held the boundary as I didn’t want to confuse matters by going backwards.
She went into her bedroom to get her baby. Didn’t like any of the babies there. Insisted upon going downstairs for a specific doll and unfortunately my husband and Child 2 were downstairs, so she thought it was playtime and settled down to play.
After awhile we convinced her to come back upstairs, and again, she was not happy. Wanted me, wanted daddy, wanted me again. Refused to lay down in bed, preferring to lay down on the floor next to the bed so I sat with her and repeated “I’m here” “can I pick you up?” To which she responded with an aggressive head shake. She then fell asleep on the floor and I lifted her gently into bed.
Tomorrow night I’ll go back to 10 minutes – with a warning at 5, and hope that that goes a little better.
Night three. I prepped Child 2 in the car on our way home from gymnastics. I told her, “we are only having a little bit of milk tonight. It will be a little bit longer than last night because last night was too short and you got sad”
We had 2 stories and I kept things calm, then after the 2 stories, I set a timer for 5 minutes and told her I will say when there’s 5 minutes left. Timer went off, told her 5 minutes left. Got to 3 minutes, told her 2 minutes left. Felt serious ick at this point – as though her latch was very lazy and was relaxing her jaw so her teeth were cutting into my nipple. SO unpleasant! Had a suspicion she was already asleep at this point. 2 minutes timer went off, unlatched, no fuss, she was pretty much asleep already.
We are going away for the weekend so I am expecting our routine to be disrupted however I do plan to try to stick to the boundary I have put in place as best I can.
The weeknd was HARD. I stuck to the boundary and she was hugely protesting by simply refusing to go to sleep until she was exhausted…however! The 2nd night after we got home, we had 4 minutes, told her 5 minutes left, and after 1 minute she sat up, pointed at her face, and said “mummy look! I’m all done!” And the. after some fussing and jumping around, she laid down and…WENT TO SLEEP!!!
November: Still going with that last feed. I am allowing her to latch on and feed for 10 seconds (which I count silently in my head), then counting backwards from 10 out loud. We started this off as a little game “I wonder if I can count down to 1 before you are finished with your milk!” And she has this triumphant little smile every time she unlatches and “wins” the race!
We all know who’s winning really!
This has been going for weeks now, but I think she is starting to get wise to my trick. Last night she noticed I wasn’t reading whilst she was feeding – which I had always done in the past. And had a massive meltdown over it. I remember Child 1 also having huge meltdowns at the same age. I thought at the time it was because I had a 6 month old baby – but here is that baby proving me wrong – and it appears that this behaviour is simply developmentally appropriate.
Following the huge meltdown last night, she then asked for more milk and I said no, and explained again that we only have a little bit of milk at bedtime now, and that by Christmas we will be done with milk.
Christmas is getting closer and closer…honestly Santa, all I want for Christmas is to not be breastfeeding anymore!